Is amicable divorce possible?

Dec 17

Divorce and relationship breakdowns can be upsetting and stressful, and one of the questions we are most frequently asked by clients is whether an amicable divorce is possible. The good news is that the answer is, normally, “yes”.

However the current divorce process is, by its nature, combative. As things currently stand, in order to begin the divorce process, one of the parties has to show that the marriage has irretrievably broken down by essentially ‘blaming’ the other for that breakdown. The good news of course is that, from April 2022, parties will be able to divorce without having to apportion blame, as a result of new legislation coming through that will enable parties to end their marriage through a ‘no-fault’ divorce process.

Understandably many people considering divorcing, or who are party to the divorce process, worry that the process may be stressful, bitter, litigious and aggressive. And of course, sometimes a divorce may be any or all of these things. However, there are steps that parties can take to try to minimise the prospects of an unpleasant divorce, and instead have a more positive experience.

Options to resolve a dispute

The following advice sets out a range of options that can help parties going through the divorce process to reach an agreement on issues between them without the stress and delay of a full Court hearing. If you believe your divorce is likely to degenerate and become hotly contested, it is definitely worthwhile considering whether the folllowing options could help to calm things down. With suitable expert legal support, it may still be possible to reach a sensible and appropriate divorce settlement.

Mediation

The divorce mediation process is essentially about getting into a room (either physically or online) with your ex-partner, together with a trained third party mediator (somebody who is independent to you both) and working out if and how you can reach an agreement as to all the elements of what would normally be covered during the divorce process.

For example - your finances and assets would be considered; such as properties, stocks and shares, pensions and any other assets. Where one party requires ongoing maintenance, the figures and timeframes can be discussed.

Matters relating to children such as where they live, with whom and how often they spend time with each parent. Also, where relevant, matters such as the payment of maintenance for the benefit of the children (how much and how long) and who pays for any education costs can also be considered.

One of the benefits of mediation is that it requires both parties to agree an outcome, meaning that both sides can feel more in control of the outcome. However, mediation isn’t for everyone - and won’t tend to be appropriate where there are potential issues of non-disclosure or where there has been domestic violence or abuse, including coercive control issues.

All of the solicitors at Ribet Myles are members of Resolution, an organisation that aims to support individuals through separation and divorce in a collaborative way. Get in touch to find out whether divorce mediation is appropriate for your situation.

Private FDR

In court proceedings to resolve a dispute relating to a divorcing couple’s finances, one of the mandatory stages is a Financial Dispute Resolution, where a judge attempts to assist the parties in reaching a settlement by giving a non-binding indication of what that particular judge believes the final outcome will be.

Parties can however agree to a private financial dispute resolution (FDR) which is identical to a court FDR except that the process is managed outside of the court process.

In a private FDR the parties appoint an independent financial remedies expert - often a barrister or senior solicitor with many years’ experience in the financial aspects of divorce. He or she might also be a retired or part-time judge. The hearing runs in the same way as a court FDR, with the “judge” giving his or her indication to assist the parties to settle.

There are a number of benefits to a private FDR. It can be arranged to run either before or alongside the existing court process, meaning that the matter proceeds more quickly.

Further, a privately arranged FDR ensures that the expert has the time and space required to prepare fully for the hearing which will happen within a reasonable time frame. Unfortunately it can take many months for court FDRs to get into the diary, meaning that the divorce process can drag on unnecessarily. Private FDRs can help to get things moving.

Arbitration

In family arbitration, parties choose an independent and impartial arbitrator who will arrange a hearing and then make a decision based upon the evidence provided by both parties. In entering the arbitration process, the parties agree to be bound by the decision of the arbitrator.

Arbitration can also be helpful where the parties are in dispute over a particular aspect of their divorce - such as how to split a pension. Discrete individual issues can be dealt with “on paper” as the parties to an arbitration can seek to mould the process to their own needs, subject to the agreement of the arbitrator. Arbitration is likely to be much quicker than the court process. However, the arbitrator cannot compel either party to provide full financial disclosure like the court is able to do, and if one of the parties is suspected of hiding assets, for example, going to court may be more appropriate. It is quite common to proceed to arbitration after a private FDR.

Arbitration is also an option to resolve any disputes relating to children.

Ribet Myles founding partner, Alistair Myles is our resident family arbitration expert - get in touch for more information about whether this process could work for you.

Litigated divorce proceedings

Unfortunately sometimes fully litigated proceedings relating to finances or children cannot be avoided. This situation can arise when one party behaves unreasonably towards the other by, for example, refusing to provide full financial disclosure or by generally frustrating efforts to resolve matters amicably. Sometimes the parties behave reasonably but simply don’t find it possible to reach agreement by themselves.

When this happens, the process can be miserable. However there are still steps to take that can limit the damage and help you to have a “good” divorce.

Try to avoid assigning blame and continue to work hard to reach an agreement. This isn’t to say you should accept unreasonable conduct or settle for a worse outcome than you’ve been advised, instead it is about ensuring that you remain as calm and rational as possible (even in trying circumstances).

Be honest. If your ex-partner is behaving unreasonably and / or deceitfully it’s important that your lawyers work hard on your behalf to remedy the situation and ensure that as far as you can, you get the best possible financial outcome. However, do not stoop to their level! Be honest and open as required by the court.

If you have children - try to put their needs first. If you are going to have to co-parent with your ex-partner for the next few years, you will want to set a good example in how you act in front of them and in how you talk about them when they are not present.

The Ribet Myles team are specialists in all matters relating to divorce and family law. Our expertise stems from many years’ experience working at the forefront of England’s divorce courts on Chancery Lane in London. To speak to one of our partners Julian, Alistair or Laura; get in touch - we’re here to help.

Expert help from a divorce specialist who understands what you need

Our team of expert family lawyers have expertise and experience covering all aspects of divorce. We’ve worked with people like you for many years, and we understand the legal, financial and emotional aspects of divorce.

We have supported many individuals through the divorce process. Our clients come from all walks of life, and live in London, other parts of the UK and abroad. We have been instructed by people who work across a wide range of professions, including professional services, finance, politics, medicine and accountancy; as well as sport, entertainment and the arts. Our clients include those of significant wealth, as a result of entrepreneurialism, commerce and through inheritance. Ribet Myles’ clients benefit from our discretion, pragmatism and conscientiousness.